Snap'd

I am a few hours into September, and I can definitely say it didn't start well.

Everything has a breaking point, even the most resilient of materials, even the nicest dude.

And I am no nice dude.

I've got a big disclaimer on my back, I've always made it clear to everyone that gets close to me.

I am not patient, and as much phlegmatic I can be, when poked on the wrong note I am not meek. And then I snap.

When that happens, I feel it all on the base of my neck, I feel the whole area getting stiff and those nerves stretching spasmodically as if they want to keep me still, to not move.

I feel my lips getting sore, and tightening on each other as if they want to keep my shut, to not talk.

Inside my brain, a table-tennis match is being played, with an heavy lead ball bouncing on my head's walls.

My rational self, tired by facing reality, realizes that everything in this world is futile, raises a wall around me and falls asleep.

My emotional self, numb by facing reality, realizes that once again, the more affection you give to someone, the more you get vulnerable to sorrow.

My cynical self, awakens to face reality, and realizes that once again, others are not worthy of all that consideration and I should just focus on myself.

Luckily, I don't rely on others.

But it seems that letting others rely on me too much is not a good idea aswell.

September just started, and with this chilled wind is not announcing anything good.

It's better I turn off this pc now, I don't even feel like having the screen's light on my skin.

I'll just be on my balcony and bathe in the gale, maybe it'll snatch some of my ill feelings and let me have a quiet rest.