From my notebook...

Those of you who know me personally, should know that I am not a person that likes to use the word "miss" often. I've often refrained from using that, maybe there were times I shouldn't have.

After 2 years spent together with a person, side by side, everyday, sharing emotions and moments, she becomes part of your life, and when she's not there with you anymore, something changes, there is something lacking, there is something...missing.

In the past months, I wanted to understand a certain feeling I had inside of me, I wanted to check how deep it was and if it was really important or it was just caused by the habit of being together, so I decided to take note on my notebook whenever there was something missing.

It was something for myself, never intended to be shared, but today sorting the stuffs into my drawers I found that notebook. Reading what I wrote I thought that given how things went, now like now, those don't matter anymore, since they were precious moments for me, but it seems I won't be able to bring those back, no matter the effort.

I don't know if I was more sad about those moments being lost, or to how easily and fastly they were apparently forgotten.

I decided I shouldn't live in the past anymore, but to focus more on my future.

I still deeply care for that person, but feelings are like flowers, they need to be nurtured if we want to keep them with us, and more than all, feelings, love in instance, can't be one-sided.

You can do your best but if the person you're doing it for, doesn't turn to watch you, it's useless, you can speak the most sincere words from your heart, but if the person you're opening your heart to, doesn't want to listen to you, it's pointless.

Things can drastically change in the blink of an eye, I don't know what will be of me in a year from now, time proved to be able to change our lives and our feelings, making them fade away, even those feelings we thought could never disappear; today I can still somehow hope that something will happen and solve all the misunderstandings, tomorrow I don't know...

[ From my notebook: ]

-I miss...your smile whenever I see you.

-I miss...you blowing me a kiss on my cheek.

-I miss...your eyes, so deep, yet so sweet.

-I miss...your kindness and your affection, the feeling of being treasured and loved.

-I miss...hearing you call me oniichan, I found it silly at first, but then it became something I was attached at, something only you could call me.

-I miss...those long nights spent talking with you, I needed to sleep...but I always ended being late because I just couldn't stop staying with you.

-I miss...waking up, turning off my alarm on my phone, and reading your goodmorning text on it.

-I miss...coming back home from a tiring day outside and seeing you telling me welcome back.

-I miss...getting distracted by you during my classes, and having you shoot at my colleagues in the back row.

-I miss...showing you how I cook my food, and having you with me on my table during my meals.

-I miss...going to sleep into my bed, but still taking the chance to send you that last message from my phone.

-I miss...having my nap while checking if the red dot is still on, knowing you're there watching over me.

-I miss...telling you goodnight and watching you sleep, watching you roll & roll & roll into your bed, watching you dream.

-I miss...putting my feelings into words and making it rhyme when writing a poem for you.

-I miss...having you believe in me whatever challenge I had ahead.

-I miss...telling you maghaian.

-I miss...you telling me you like my dimples, my hands and my eyes.

-I miss...watching you focused on your work.

-I miss...your crazy crazy crazy cheerfulness.

-I miss...working, turning to the other monitor and seeing you stare at me gently.

-I miss...watching you comb your hair.

-I miss...reading the same mangas together.

-I miss...laughing like idiots together at pictures found on facebook.

-I miss...watching you eat with chopsticks and thinking "I'd never manage to".

-I miss...playing games with you, and getting surprised when you pull off a crazy trick.

-I miss...teaching you italian on skype, laughing, and you telling me that my pronounce sucks.

-I miss...cheering you up whenever you're down, because I could give you the strength to keep trying.

-I miss...surprising you.

-I miss...seeing you all wrapped into a blanket just like a kitten.

-I miss...coming out of the shower and showing you my wet hair and my shaved face, because I knew you liked them.

-I miss...posting flowers on your wall before going to sleep.

-I miss...your clumsiness, and how much of a moe klutz you are.

-I miss...your voice, and how cute it sounded.

-I miss...getting home all panting after a long run in the park, and seeing you before my shower.

-I miss...seeing you wake up, with your sleepy, puppy eyes, but a childishly adorable face.

-I miss...coming back home in a rush to tell you all that happened to me, and to listen to what happened to you.

-I miss...you spamming my facebook profile.

-I miss...that even if our relationship was hard, we never lost hope we'd manage to pull it off in the end and live happy together.

-I miss...dreaming of a future together, planning of the things we'd do, the stuffs we'd eat, the places we'd visit.

-I miss...to have you with me as the unique sure thing in the future, everything was unsure, but you, you were there in my future.

I don't know what I'll think when in a year or two I will read this post again.
I don't know if I'll feel sad, I know this is something I don't want to forget, and I know I won't be able to forget it, because even then, despite everything, it'll be among the most important moments of my life, but I don't want to suffer for it anymore either.

But I know that if I were to choose now, I'd prefer to be together with you while reading this, and to laugh about it as something that didn't manage to set us apart.

(PS. I created the GIF used in this post from some pictures I found on the net. The drawings were inspiring and romantic, so...)

Hello World!

"Hello World!"

I think those two, may aswell be some the most common english words, even among non-english speakers. Anybody that is into coding, scripting, programming or just testing, will surely agree with me on this.

So yea, I thought those would fit well even now that for a change I'm attempting to start my own little blog.

So let's try to get an head up.

Who are you?

Saverio (with an infinite variety of nicknames, that space from Sav to Savvy, passing from Save, Savy and many others) aka Tetsuo Ryuu aka Lord Shadow.

Where are you?

Well beyond being on the net, I'd say in Italy. Yes I'm Italian. Nonetheless, I travelled quite a lot. I love to travel, I really do. I love to get to know new countries, new cultures, new friends.

(I speak italian, english, latin and can understand spanish and portoguese, but I'd like to use this chance to apologize for some little mistake I'll surely commit here and there :) )

What about you?

I'm an IT student with a passion for poetry.

I love to write. Be it codes...or poems.

I love to read. Books, but even more manga. Anime are okay, but I like manga more. I like VG, but I love MMOs.

I love to know how things work. Be it a software, a complex system or... the heart of a person.

My interests often lead me to think of myself like the essence of Yin & Yang for how opposed they are, but for the very same reason, they balance and complete themselves.

Well that's it, but... Why blogging?

I strongly and firmly believe that Knowledge is Freedom.

Knowledge isn't just that you may find in a book, knowledge is every and each little crumb of information you'd lose in the chaotic mess of your daily life.

Nowadays the flow of information is carried upon the Big Net. Be it a poem, a tech news, an opinion about a game or even just a rant, if you want to share it with others, Blogs are one of the best tools the Big Net can offer you.

I'm an introspective person. A blog is for one to record his thoughts, about the little and big things that happen everyday, sort of a diary. My Diary. I usually don't take things lightly. Not saying I'm over-serious, not at all. But there are stuffs that deserve the right weight. Having a Blog to discuss them, may help to consider them under another point of view.

I'm an expressive person. A blog is for many to read and share thoughts, on the net like it would happen everywhere, sort of a bar. Our Bar. If I have something inside, I often can't leave it laying there and I have to shout it out. There are feelings that if you try to endure will just end biting and consuming you from inside. Shout. Them. Out. Blogs help with that.